Pursuing Truth, Cultivating Virtue, Creating Beauty

The scream shattered our midnight slumber like a rock through a window.

“My tummy!”

Our four-year old son Judah stood outside our bedroom, sobbing, clutching his stomach and his favorite black-and-white striped blanket. My wife ran to hug and comfort him. Eventually, when everything was calmed, tears dried, and our son asleep again, my wife and I lay back in bed.

“I’m taking him to the doctor,” she said.

“You should,” I said. “These aren’t normal stomachaches.”

I tried to fall back asleep while fears gathered on my mind’s horizon like storm clouds, each rumbling their “what-if” threats.

You might wonder, “Why would a stomachache make you so afraid?” Perhaps you’ll understand the kinds of thoughts that swirled inside my mind when you hear some of the reasons for them.

It recalls the trauma of past life-threatening experiences with our daughter Ruth’s allergies. We thought Judah was in the clear, but as his stomach problems have developed, he clearly isn’t. So my thoughts would rumble, Is something going to happen to Judah like what happened to Ruth? We thought he was safe from those problems. Does this mean this is a genetic problem that our youngest son might also develop? Rumble, rumble, rumble….

Because of my daughter, we already navigate three common food allergies (dairy, egg, and peanut). If my son were to develop his own food allergies, that could mean further restricting an already restrictive and complex (not to mention expensive) diet. So I wondered, Will we have to change our diet again? Can we afford more specialized food? Rumble, rumble, rumble….

Because of my son’s young age, it’s been hard to figure out how long this has been bothering him. It might have begun a year and a half ago, but as we’ve investigated things, we’ve realized that he’s been in constant, worsening pain for at least several months. Not ordinary digestive discomfort that might be relieved by a trip to the bathroom. I’m talking about non-stop “I don’t want to play soccer or go to library story time” kind of pain that sometimes flares into night-time screams and tears.

It’s no wonder, as my wife has pointed out, that he changed from being filled with energy and laughter to being sullen, fatigued, and never smiling for pictures anymore. So, again, my thoughts: Why is he hurting so much, and can I help him? How can I point him to Jesus in his pain at such a young age? Rumble, rumble, rumble….

At the same time that Judah’s stomach pain peaked, five people in our life were fighting cancer—three in our church, my uncle, and my wife’s grandpa, who has since passed away. And I would think of Judah, Could his stomach pain be something worse, like an ulcer or… cancer?

My poor son!

Rumble, rumble, rumble….

Fear. Stress. Worry. All of them would mutate into different forms and assault my heart and mind. Thankfully, I found peace in a refuge stronger than any fear.

Psalm 46 begins, “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble” (1). God is our refuge, a safe place for those who trust in him. He’s our strength, the one who enables us to endure difficulties. And when trouble is near, our helper is always near, too.

The sons of Korah then take these grand truths and further personalize them: “Therefore we will not be afraid” (Psalm 46:2a). And they’re not joking around. They describe a worst-case scenario: “Though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas, though its water roars and foams and the mountains quake with its turmoil” (Psalm 46:2b-3).

Earth trembling. Mountains falling into the ocean. Water roaring with tempests. That’s the end of the world! That’s worse than chronic genetic dietary issues. Yet the psalmists choose not to be afraid because they trust that God is their refuge, strength, and helper.

What’s the result? A scene of serenity. A city filled with joy, with a peaceful river running through it, where God, the Most High, the Lord of hosts, makes his home (Psalm 46:4-7). By choosing to trust God’s character, the sons of Korah experience God’s peace, even when surrounded by fearful circumstances.

So they invite others, “Come, behold the works of the Lord” (Psalm 46:8a). Ultimately, he controls the turmoil of nations worldwide and lives individually, and someday he will make it all stop (Psalm 46:8b-10). In the meantime, they celebrate and trust that “the Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge” (Psalm 46:7, 11).

By God’s grace, I took up the invitation of the sons of Korah. As my son endures this trial, I’ve memorized and meditated on Psalm 46 almost every day, choosing to trust that God is my refuge, strength, and helper. I understand that this doesn’t mean God will solve all our problems, and this trial is still grievous and painful. But the truths of Psalm 46 have calmed my fears in a stressful time.

I’ve been able to hide in God my refuge, drink from his river of delights, and find his perfect peace that surpasses understanding. The fearful, worrisome thoughts still threaten, like creatures darting in to nip at my heels, but my helper drives them away as I tearfully pour out my heart to him. I know my good, wise, and loving God is sovereign over our suffering, and I eagerly await the day he will make all things new and transform our pain into glory.

As for my children, I’m trying to teach them Psalm 46 and help their little hearts and minds understand as much of it as they can. We work on memorizing parts of it and pray it at bedtime.

Songs have been helpful, too. You can’t go wrong with Martin Luther’s classic “A Mighty Fortress is Our God,” based off Psalm 46. For more modern language, we’ve used “God is Our Strength and Refuge” by Joe Tyrpak at Church Works Media.

I pray that my children will trust and know God, and that he will help them and give them peace, too, as he has done for me.

Judah’s story isn’t over yet. Thankfully, we’ve ruled out several possible causes, such as an ulcer or cancer. Through some dietary changes, his condition has greatly improved, though we still haven’t found a solution. He still experiences intense flareups at times, and he has more medical tests to undergo.

We don’t know what his future holds, but we do know that God is our refuge, strength, and helper. We know that the Lord of hosts is with us. Therefore, we will not be afraid, even though his tummy hurts.